“Who am I?”
It’s a strange question.
One that sounds so simple until someone asks you to answer it.
Years ago, during one of my therapy sessions, I was given what seemed like a simple exercise.
“Write down ten things that describe who you are.”
Not your background. Not your profession. Not your relationships.
Just…What describes who you are?
I remember staring at a blank page.
I could write pages about my career or roles I had played—as a daughter, a sister, a partner, a manager, a friend.
I could list my achievements, failures, responsibilities, dreams and fears.
But when it came to answering what truly described who I was…
I had nothing.
That blank page stayed with me for years.
Every now and then, I’d think about that exercise and think – “One day, I’ll know the answer.”
Until today.
For the first time, I realised I had been asking the wrong question.
Instead of asking,
“Who am I?”
I asked,
“What has been driving me all these years?”
And that changed everything.
For most of my life, I believed I was driven by ambition. That I was disciplined.Resilient. Hardworking. Strong.
Those things are true. But they aren’t the whole story.
The real story was the engine behind them.
I realised that my life had always been powered by fear — Fear of failing, or not being enough, or losing what I had built.
Self-doubt that constantly whispered I had to prove myself one more time.
Survival that kept me moving, even when I was exhausted.
It’s not that my achievements aren’t real. They absolutely are.
But now I understand that all of them were born from fear rather than intention.
And somehow…that realisation made me compassionate towards the woman I used to be.
She worked incredibly hard. She always found a way.
And perhaps the thing I’m most proud of…She always enjoyed life and never became bitter.
I don’t want to replace her. I want to thank her.
Then another realisation — I’ve spent months worrying that I’d lost my motivation.
But as I looked back over my life, I noticed a pattern.
I’ve never really been a planner. I’ve always been an experimenter.
The happiest chapters of my life didn’t happen because I had a perfect five-year plan.
They happened because I was curious enough to try.
– Booking that solo trip despite being terrified.
– Joining a travel group without knowing a single person.
– Changing jobs.
– Moving cities.
– Taking on management when I wasn’t sure I was ready.
– Even taking this career break.
None of those decisions came with certainty. They came with curiosity.
And every single one gave me something.
A new skill. A new perspective. A new friendship. A little more confidence.
Or simply a better understanding of myself.
Looking back, I realised that I became happier every time I tried something new.
My life has never been a straight line. It has been a series of identities that I have loved, lived, thanked… and eventually outgrown.
There was another pattern I had never noticed before.
Life has never been easy but I always found a way out.
Not immediately. Not perfectly. Not without crying. Not without feeling lost.
But somehow… I always found a way.
Maybe confidence is remembering that you’ve figured things out before.
And perhaps the biggest surprise of all…
I realised that my definition of courage has changed.
For years, courage meant pushing harder.
Working longer. Ignoring my own needs.
Enduring.Surviving.
But today courage means something completely different.
It means looking at the life I’ve built and saying,
“I don’t want to live like that anymore.”
And then having the bravery to actually change it.
Not because someone told me to. Not because society expects it. But because growth has never been a goal for me, It has been a necessity.
So…Who am I?
I don’t have all the answers yet.
But today, I know a little more than I did yesterday.
Maybe that’s what this season was really about.
A transition from an identity that had carried a surviving version of me for years.
And for the first time in a long time, I think I’m asking the right questions.
And that makes the journey worth discovering. 🍁
Quiet Escapes 